


What Is and What Never Should Be

by Kappakay, PeanutButterKohai



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, More tags will be added as the fic will probably get out of hand, Mutual Pining, Promptis - Freeform, Regis makes me cry, Slow Build, Some things will remain canon but some things will change, Unresolved Sexual Tension, in which i write two longfics at the same time WOW WHY
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-01-21 19:46:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12464592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kappakay/pseuds/Kappakay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeanutButterKohai/pseuds/PeanutButterKohai
Summary: At 20 years old, Noctis Lucis Caelem thinks he's dealt with the worst of it. Between surviving high school, discovering his not so innocent affection for his best friend and training to take over from his dad, Noctis is convinced he's done it all, and seen it all.He is of course, sadly mistaken.





	1. Damn Your Love, Damn Your Lies

**Author's Note:**

> I'm making this my NaNoWriMo project //vibrates//
> 
> Yeah I'm supposed to be working on my Bloodborne fic, but I finished FFXV and descended into that hell quite swiftly with no escape route sooooo... here we are? This literally started because I kept yelling at my friendo about the end of the game and what would happen after the whole 'bringing the light back' arc. And uh. Whoops. This got out of hand. I have only myself to blame. 
> 
> Anyways, vague summary is vague because I know where I wanna end, I just don't quite know how to get there yet. Story of my process with everything I write lol. Yell at me on twitter @kappakay to actually get this done please. I have a mighty need to see this finished. And 20000 other ideas floating around in my brain heck. Shout out to Peanutbutterkohai who is my sounding board even when they're gonna be on the other side of the friggen world.

It began as any other day. 

Waking up at some ungodly hour, Prompto got up for his morning run, ever mindful of the sleeping prince as he left, deciding not to bother him until he got back. As planned, the blonde attempted to rouse his friend upon his return, but Noctis countered grumpily. He had grabbed his friends arm and had half heartedly pulled him back into bed but, Prompto was resilient and wrestled away to have a shower. By the time he came back, Noctis was snoring again, which gave the blonde boy the justification to swat at Noct with his damp towel in a second attempt at waking him up. Noctis shot him a death glare that had all the menace of a disgruntled kitten, then sank back into the pillows. Luckily, Prompto was a pro at getting Noctis up, even if it took a few tries. Finally, the prince relented when the covers of the bed suddenly vanished, an hour after the first attempt. Grumbling and feeling cold, he stepped out into the kitchen area, his hair a mess and sleep crusting his eyes. 

Met by the smell of food, Noctis could only assume Prompto had made breakfast, but sleep still rode in his mind. Shuffling in, he plopped himself down in a seat by the raised island counter and dropped his head onto his arms. “Noct, sweet Six, get up already! It’s 10am.” Prompto groaned as he diligently stirred the scrambled eggs around in the pan.

“So?” Noctis grumbled into his arms, missing the solid bitch glare Prompto gave him. Sure, to Prompto - and probably the majority of the population - 10 a.m was a decent time to wake up. Not for Noctis though. Usually, he woke up at noon, and if it was a good day, he’d get out of bed by 1 p.m. To him, only truly crazy people got up willing before the time hit the double digits.

The prince felt something plastic poke at his arm, probably the spatula, and he swatted it away half heartedly, never raising his head. When the spatula ceased and desisted with its torment, Noctis sighed, settling into some semblance of comfort. Unbeknownst to the prince, the blonde was taking full advantage of his friends bleary state. Prompto had managed to sneak up behind him and begun to dig his fingers into his ribs in a sneak attack. Noctis shot straight up, almost hitting Prompto square in the face, but the other boy had backed up a good foot preemptively expecting the reaction. 

“So, I want to do something other than watch you sleep today.” Prompto stated, going back to his task of plating food. Intrigued, Noctis raised a questioning brow and he mussed up he ran his hand through his hair, mussing it up even more.

“Oh? What did you have in mind?”

Prompto, now back in the kitchen with his back to his friend, looked over his shoulder with a mischievous glint in his eye. “Whatever strikes my fancy.”

Noctis blinked, his mind still groggy with sleep as the implication washed over him, suddenly thankful Prompto had his back to him. Judging by the heat in his face, he could only assume he’d turned the shade of a ripe Lucian tomato. It took a few deep breathes to calm himself down, but he was able to calm his blush before Prompto turned back around to sit at the counter with him.

“What makes you think you deserve such power?” Noctis asked cheekily, eyeing the food as it was passed over. Taking a satisfying breath full of freshly cooked breakfast, Noctis felt his stomach grumble in anticipation. Prompto smirked, pointing his fork in Noctis’ direction.

“I deserve something after all this hard work. It’s not fair that I have to get up to run and cook breakfast, while you get to laze around in bed.”

Noctis shook his head in disagreement. “Not my fault you decide to torture yourself with exercise.”

“Actually it kinda is,” Prompto glared, stabbing a piece of egg. “If I wasn’t dating you, I wouldn’t have to work on my cardio so some rabid fangirl doesn’t try to end me.”

Noctis laughed at the mental image. “Pretty sure you could take out any of those invisible ladies with that smile of yours.”

Popping the egg in his mouth, Prompto rolled his eyes. “Dude, you gotta be oblivious to not see the girls drool as you walk down the street.”

Noctis shrugged, picking up his fork to address his point more clearly. “Who’s fault is it that I have eyes for only one blonde?”

Prompto’s mouth thankfully free of egg, fell open, his eyes widening in surprise, unsure of how to respond to such blatant adoration. He recovered quickly enough, running a hand through his still semi damp hair to mask his nervousness, a habit Noctis had become familiar with and quite fond of by now. Smirking, Noctis started to dig into his meal, satisfied to have left Prompto speechless. The eggs were delicious. Not Ignis quality, but they came with a certain warmth that only Prompto could supply. 

The two ate in relative, comfortable silence, stealing frequent, fond glances at one another over their plates. Prompto finished first and eagerly cleaned up his plate, while Noctis had been playing mostly with his food, his mind preoccupied by how goddamn _happy_ he was. The relationship aspect of this was still a bit strange and new, but the two had been friends long enough that Noctis was sure they could fight whatever may come their way. Noctis smiled as he watched his friend- his partner, he mentally corrected himself- sashay around the kitchen, cleaning pots while humming some song about chocobos. 

While it was Noct’s apartment, he never used the kitchen except as an impromptu storage unit for miscellaneous things he had lying around. Ignis always complained that there shouldn’t be cleaning wax for steel mixed in with the cooking oils since the packaging was deceptively similar, but Noctis couldn’t care less. He never used the kitchen so why would he organize it proper? Even if he did use the kitchen, since when does he cook with oils? Prompto though… it was comforting how at ease he looked standing in the middle of the tiled floor, completing menial tasks. Noctis found there was something mesmerizing in the way the freckled boy moved his body that made it hard for Noct to look away. 

When it was all tidied, Prompto grabbed the pot of coffee and prepared them both a nice cup each. “Come on Noct,” he sighed with a slight blush dusting his freckled cheeks, “eat up before it gets cold.” If he knew Noctis was watching him, he didn't comment. 

Lifting his fork, Noctis popped another bite of egg into his mouth, chewing obnoxiously loud to demonstrate his compliance. Prompto wrinkled his nose at the sound as he moved to the pantry, searching for some sugar for his picky eater. Successfully brandishing it, he dumped two heaping spoonfuls into Nocts favourite black porcelain mug, the silver skull insignia shining dully as he passed it over. “Dude, come on. Let me enjoy my coffee in peace. I didn't make you breakfast to hear you chew it.”

“Then why did you make it?” Noctis laughed between bites of egg, teasing his partner softly. 

Prompto just shook his head at the male across from him. “If those girls could see you now, they would run to Galahd. Your table manners are horrible.” A slight sigh followed the comment as the blonde settled his chin into his palm, smiling faintly over his own mug.

“Good thing you kinda like me,” Noctis smirked, leaning across the counter, puckering his lips for a kiss from the cute marksman. Prompto however, was not having it. 

“Upbup!” Before Noctis could get what he wanted, the blond put a finger over the prince’s lips and lightly pushed him back. Noctis furrowed his brow, donning his signature princely pout which elicited a lopsided grin from his companion . “Eat! Then kisses.” That was all the motivation Noctis needed for him to shovel the rest of the food in his mouth. 

Prompto watched the prince’s movements with an amused quirk of his brow as the food quickly disappeared. It didn't take long until the plate was cleaned in entirety, the breakfast successfully enjoyed despite the speed with which the prince ate. Triumphantly, the prince dropped his fork on his plate, smirking while he chewed the final remnants of egg. Prompto took a slow sip of his coffee. “Wow, if Ignis knew all it would take was the promise of kisses for you to eat something semi healthy, he’d probably be your partner instead of me.”

Noctis scoffed at the suggestion, a light smirk tugging at his lips. “He could've tried, but he isn't you.”

Prompto propped his head in his hand, returning Noctis’ smirk somewhat flirtatiously. “Lucky me then, huh?”

He’d been a good prince and eaten his breakfast so he felt he deserved this. Leaning forward over the island, Noctis captured Prompto’s lips with his own in a feather light kiss. Prompto leaned forward in response, raising his hand to curl his fingers in the soft hair at the nape of Noct’s neck. The prince sighed, the touch innocent in intent but electric in execution. His eyes slid shut as he lost himself in the feel of his partner’s lips, cheeks flushing as his heart thumped against his ribs. Prompto changed the angle and Noct responded, cursing the counter for being a stubborn barrier between the two. 

In a perfect world, Noctis would’ve climbed onto the counter, coffees be damned, to close that distance between them. He would’ve worked his hands into Prompto’s hair, losing himself in the feel of Prompto’s hot breath, soft lips and expert tongue. 

To the princes misfortune, this was not a perfect world and the TV was on. Even with one not listening fully, so long as someone mentions their name, a person will respond in some way - a common effect called the cocktail party effect. So when Noctis heard his name, he tuned in for a second to what was going on outside the world that was Prompto.

Noctis froze, eyes springing open as the words slowly sunk into his groggy mind. He couldn’t have heard that right. Prompto’s eyes were open too, and he looked just as shocked as he stared into Noctis’ eyes. Earlier excitement forgotten, the prince abandoned his position at the table to get a better view of the television. Prompto stood frozen in the kitchen and when Noctis turned again to face him, the blonde’s face was a stark white, his hand covering his mouth as he stared at the screen wide eyed, the headline written in bold red and white letters.

_Prince Noctis Engaged! Lady Lunafreya as the next Queen of Lucis._

“No,” Noctis whispered to himself. This was all wrong. Lunafreya? His friend Luna? The quiet girl he sometimes corresponded with through the use of a magical dog? How did that make sense?

“Noct.” 

“They’re lying.” Panic seized his chest, but Noctis ignored it. He couldn’t let Prompto see him be weak right now. He needed to stay focused, to find a way to right this ridiculous rumour before it got out of hand. 

“It’s on Insomnia news, Noct.” Prompto’s voice sounded small, the normal cheer doused like a weak candle flame. “Why would they lie?”

“Fuck if I know. Maybe I did something to piss them off lately, but I didn’t agree to anything, I swear!” His hands were sweaty with nerves. 

“Noct…” Prompto almost whispered. His eyes were downcast and he was fiddling with the black band that was wrapped securely around his wrist. He took a deep breath and his lip quivered almost imperceptibly but when he spoke his voice was strong with resolve. “If you’re doubting this relationship already... maybe this was a mistake.”

“No.” Noct spun around and grabbed Prompto’s hands, desperate. “I- I…” He looked into Prompto’s eyes and deflated. Noctis knew that face. He had seen it so often all throughout high school, and a few years after. No words he said now could erase the hell of uncertainty and indecision that had lead to them being together. 

Prompto pulled his shaking hands out of Noct’s grip, and turned his back to the other boy, bracing his hands on the kitchen counter. He didn’t say anything, but the message was clear. 

Noct needed to leave. 

Ice cold fear gripped Noctis’ heart, sending it into spasms. No. No way. All the shit he went through for years was not going to fall away with one dumb news headline that wasn’t even real. He needed to do something. He had to believe that what he had tucked away in the privacy of this apartment was real.

Standing in his boxers, hair still mussed from sleep, Noctis tried to summon some form of conviction. “I’m gonna fix this.” He’s not sure who he’s trying to calm - his partner or himself. But he had to keep focused on one thing. If he didn’t, the ebb and flow of insecurity would wash over him leaving him paralyzed and he didn’t have the time for that. This little sanctuary he had found for himself, he had fought for. He wasn’t about to let it go without a fight. 

\---

 

It had taken him no time to get dressed in his fatigues. If he was going to talk to his dad, he was going to get himself in the right mentality to be taken seriously. 

Though their relationship had been strained over his life, their bond had started to foster since the end of high school. Noctis had matured a little and reached out to his dad in some ways as the prince struggled with his own identity. Regis had been a strong force in calming his son’s fears and through shared experience, the two had grown closer. He felt he now knew his dad, or at least understood his motives as king. If he was rational, Noctis would think there was a logical explanation for how this rumour of an engagement got started, but all he could feel as he marched through the CItadel, was the sting of betrayal. He had to talk to Regis as soon as possible.

Without ceremony, the crown prince of Lucis threw open the doors to the throne room to find his father seated on the throne. Normally, Noctis would pause and take in the site of his dad’s solid form slowly collapsing in on itself, would curse the gods that put him in this situation and outright scream at the inevitability of his own fate. He allowed himself no such pity. Right now, he was a whirlwind of emotion.

Regis nodded slowly to his son in greeting. “Noctis.”

“The hell is going on?” Noctis demanded as he strode to the foot of the throne. On the left side of the throne, ever diligent, Clarus stood as Shield and glared at him in warning. He may be the prince, but no one could talk to the king in such a disrespectful manner. Regis, rather than correct his son again on royal protocol, sighed sadly. 

“I was hoping to talk to you before it went public, but it seems even the best laid plans crumble under such harsh circumstance.”

Noctis tensed. “It’s true then?” Though his father didn’t say anything, the way he averted his eyes at the question was answer enough. Noctis huffed out a breath, running his hand through his hair. Nervous energy worked its way through him, and he started pacing. “You have no right to barter my future away like this.” Noctis exclaimed, feeling anger bubble in his chest.

Regis watched his son with a cool expression, betraying no hint of emotion. Noctis always hated that look on his father. “As King I have a duty to my people first, and as Prince you have a duty to follow your King’s commands.”

Stopping in his tracks, Noctis turned to face the throne. “Maybe I’m going crazy, but last I checked, arranged marriages haven’t been around for decades.”

“We must do what we can to fulfill the obligation of peace, and if that includes my less than grateful son being married off to the finest woman in all of Eos, I would gladly accept that condition.”

Noctis scoffed, shooting his father a brief incredulous look before focusing on his pacing again. “How could a marriage between a hostage and a prince guarantee safety? The Emperor wouldn't let his most valuable bargaining chip go that easily, not unless he wanted to grab me too.”

“Noctis, you have to listen to reason-”

“No!” He knew he was being childish, but he felt his frustration was justified. While Regis had a duty to his people as their king, he also had a duty to Noctis, as his father . He had watched from afar while his son warred with his own mind until Noctis finally opened up to him, and his father had been nothing but supportive. Regis knew what Noctis wanted for his future, who he wanted to share it with. And it wasn't with Lunafreya. “You gave me your blessing.”

Regis sighed, his eyes downcast. Noctis felt his throat close over. Had his father just aged in front of him? “Noctis, I know what I said, but I cannot let this opportunity pass. Nifelheim has proposed a treaty, one that would heavily benefit us as a nation. We're losing this war, and I am not getting younger. If we are to survive, we must accept their terms.”

“But Father-”

“Enough.” Noctis stood up straight, arms dropping to his side as a chill ran down his spine. Regis stared at his son, and although his eyes looked tired, they still commanded the room with ease. “You may be my son, but you are the Prince of Lucis, heir to the throne first and foremost. You will marry Lunafreya and bring peace to our borders. Am I understood?”

Anger churned hot and lively in his chest. He wanted to retaliate more, to drive home that his happiness would be beneficial to all his people. After all, a happy king lead to a happy nation. The unhappy truth was, Noctis was still but a boy, with little experience in how the world actually worked, or in what would make a nation happy. As the prince, his first and foremost desire was for his people to be safe. Everything else had to be second. Noctis was still coming to terms with the heavy toll the Ring and the Crystal would have on him, but he had convinced himself he could stomach these two things if he had Prompto with him. Prompto with his easy smile and infectious optimism. Prompto, the tiniest light in his bleak future that shone so bright. Now that Noctis had him, he couldn't just let his best friend- his partner- go. 

When Noctis didn't say anything, standing in silence slowly opening and closing his fists to keep himself together, Regis stood from the throne, cane shaking as he descended the stairs. Clarus moved to his king’s side as he reached the bottom. Regis waved him away, his eyes focused on his son. “Let's take a walk.” 

Operating on autopilot, the prince nodded, turning to follow as his dad limped out of the room, his Shield watching. When the door closed behind them, Regis dropped his cane, and his kingly demeanor to embrace his son. Noctis stilled and went rigid in surprised. “Forgive me,” his father murmured, “I didn't want this for you.”

The anger within him calmed at his father's touch. Noctis had grown to know of his dad, and what little he could gather, Regis wouldn't want to make his son suffer more than he had to. Noctis knew that it would have to be something dire for Regis to not even consult Noctis on the matter. His father cared for Noctis more than anything. These quiet moments alone when they could just be a dad and his boy, and not the king and the prince, showed that. Shaking with mixed emotions, Noctis slowly brought his arms up to embrace his father back. They stood like this in the hall for what felt like seconds but was probably minutes. None of the Glaive was around - too busy defending the wall most likely- so they were left to be a family alone. A rare moment. 

All too soon, Regis let go of Noctis, standing straight. Ever diligent, Noctis picked up Regis’ cane, handing it back to his dad as they continued walking slowly down the hall. “Do you trust them to keep their word?” He asked cautiously. 

Regis was quiet for a few steps before he answered. “No.”

“Then why agree to their terms?” 

Regis scoffed. “Come now Noct. I know you're not a fool.” Noctis shrugged as a non committed answer, waiting for his father to continue. “I had to do something. Brute force is not getting us anywhere, and truth be told, after the most recent assault on our border, I feel weaker than ever. I can't keep the wall up much longer at this rate so…” the King paused, Noctis stopping in his tracks. “I’m going to trap them.”

“How? By tying them up in streamers at my wedding as ‘Here Comes the Bride’ plays ominously?”

He was expecting Regis to give him one of those glares again, but instead he chuckled sadly. “Not quite,” Regis replied but offered no details about his plan. Before Noctis could probe him, the King looked at his son with a fierce gaze, determined, unwavering. “I need you to go to Altissa. The Lady Lunafreya will meet you there, I’ll make sure of it. Take Ignis and Gladio with you on your journey. I have the utmost faith they will see you safely there.”

Noctis furrowed his brow, alarm bells ringing. “Dad if you expect me to not be here when the Nifs come you don't know me at all. I'm not leaving you alone for those assholes to murder!”

“Rest assured it won't come to that Noctis.”

“Then why should I get hitched in a land far from home and from you?”

“Precautions.”

“My ass! If you are foolish enough to think -”

“What I know is that Niflheim wouldn't dare harm a King in his home. Not when they don't have the Prince or the Oracle accounted for, nor a wedding occurring within these walls, nor with the entire weight of the Kingsglaive and the Crystal at my fingertips.” Regis turned away and continued walking down the hallway his knee brace creaking with each step. Swallowing his growing frustration, Noctis trailed behind wanting to at least hear the rest of what his father had to say. “I do not envy the burden you carry. Being Chosen comes with a great sacrifice, one that makes my trifle with the ring look like but a blessing.”

“Maybe the Gods chose the wrong prince,” Noctis muttered stubbornly.

Regis shook his head. “I wouldn't wish this on you either, Noctis. We both have a role to play when the time is right. I only hope I have the strength left to fulfill mine.”

They continued to walk in silence as Noctis’ anger simmered down. It was a rare occurrence for his dad to talk about Noctis’ future as the Chosen King. A lot of the details surrounding it, and what he was supposed to do, were hazy which was befitting of prophecy that had been passed down and muddled through the centuries. That said, it did nothing to calm Noctis’ anxiety about the future. The knowledge that his dad would be there with him to the end of the prophecy was new to him. Just like how Regis knew Noctis was chosen, perhaps the Gods impart specific knowledge to each of its players. That thought alone made Noctis feel uneasy. The one small penchant he could take away was that Prompto wasn't one of the pawns. 

Prompto. His heart clenched. What was he going to do about him? “You said to take Gladio and Ignis, but, what about Prom?”

Regis didn’t answer until the two of them entered the elevator. Pushing the down button, his father replied hesitantly. “I leave that to your discretion. It might do well for you to have a friend to accompany you, or it might lead to your suffering having something you want but cannot have within your grasp.”

Noctis bit his tongue, feeling a hot sting in the back of his eyes. _Friend._

The elevator opened and Regis departed, keeping the door from closing until Noct forced himself to move. He couldn’t look at his dad anymore. Though this decision had been made to benefit many, Noctis still felt betrayed. 

They had turned down a small corridor, and Noctis knew where they were heading. Regis turned to face him, his posture as regal as the cane would allow. “I know you don't love Luna like you do Prompto and I wish with all my heart to see him by your side until the end. Your fate however, lies not on the whims of the father, but of fate. I know that you do harbour fond feelings for Luna, even if they are only of the platonic nature, and I simply ask of you to at least try.”

Finding himself lost for words, Noctis simply nodded his response. Some of the tension that Regis seemed to hold perpetually in his frail shoulders seemed to melt away and he offered his son a brief, somewhat strained smile . “Be ready as quick as you can. I would see you off before our guests arrive.” Again, Noctis nodded, his eyes dropping. A firm hand clapped itself on his shoulder, making the prince look up at his father again and was met with unconditional warmth. Noct smiled back hollowly, hoping it looked somewhat more convincing than it felt. With a final squeeze, Regis let go of his son. “Now go.”

Noctis did just that, turning his back on his father so he didn't have to see the shine of tears pooling in Regis’ eyes.


	2. Shattered Illusions of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha... haha... don't mind me. I just got side tracked with a Gladnis prompt and life in general its FINE. 
> 
> Happy 2018 fellow nerds! May this year be infinitely better than the last. Huge shout out to my gross nerd of a partner PeanutButterKohai who sat with me at work and edited this chapter. I've had it sitting around for ages but I just haven't... had the time... or motivation to get it edited. COUGH. I'm gonna try and bounce between this fic and my Bloodborne one because my love for it has appeared again and writing is really cathartic for me.
> 
> Quick note: I chose to summarize the whole traumatic reveal one goes through when they figure out they're not straight because a million and one fics already talk about this subject. I wanna focus more on different aspects of a relationship.

In the movies, whenever the main character goes through a heartbreak, the sky would open up with rain to mirror the protagonists sorrows. Or, at the very least, the mood would change to suit the protagonist’s needs. Noctis imagined that those characters must have found comfort in those instances - after all shared pain is easier to process.

The sky offered no such comfort. As Noctis stepped out of the Citadel, the sun greeted him cheerfully with its bright, obnoxious, yellow rays, unhindered by sympathetic clouds. Standing on the steps, the crown prince stared out at nothing in particular as the buzz of activity in the city droned on in the distance. The feelings he had bottled up talking to his father slowly seeped out of their confines, weighing Noctis down. He had to go back to Prompto. He had to explain this entire situation to him. Somehow. 

What would he say though? They had already been through the emotional turmoil that was Noctis coming to grips with his sexuality and Prompto had been so understanding and patient with him. Now what? Noctis had to throw all that out in favour of an arranged marriage for political satiation. He sighed heavily, already feeling exhausted. 

It felt like it was just the other day when Noctis had mustered the courage to confront his father about his feelings for his best friend. Not even the ever perceptive Ignis had known what was going on in his head- not that Noctis didn’t want to talk to Ignis about the cluster fuck that was his mind, he just didn’t know _how_. Emotions were hard enough to deal with, nevermind putting them into words to communicate effectively to others. Once Noctis had put a name to the emotion he was feeling, he felt it was even harder to come clean to someone he was so close to. So he closed himself off to everyone. 

No one knew that Noctis was struggling with being in love with his male best friend, but the more he sat on his revelation alone in his apartment, the more it ate away at him. He started getting angry, and retreated so far into himself, he would lose track of days and sometimes weeks. There came a point where the number of empty packets of pop tarts and pizza pockets became too great, so unbearable, that Noctis finally snapped. He needed to do something, so he forced himself to talk to _someone_. 

When he had gathered the courage to finally come out to his father, Regis had been nothing but supportive of his son. In fact, he had even seemed happy. While Noctis couldn’t complain of having a horrible childhood, it certainly wasn’t one that was filled with sunshine and rainbows. Before Prompto had entered his life, it was an endless hallway of awkward stares and false faces- No one wanted to be close to him unless they got something out of it. Being the Prince of Lucis was a giant beacon of light for petty moths and Noctis hated it. He learned his lesson early on about what his title meant to people, so he isolated himself socially, always keeping a wall up around himself so no one could get too close.. And then Prompto came along. The freckled boy who radiated nothing but pure comfort had found a way through the walls Noctis had built and had made him feel like he was more than just a title. When feelings had erupted in Noctis’ heart, he dismissed them as something similar to what he felt for Ignis or Gladio, just different because Prompto was there by choice, not obligation. The longer it went on though, the more Noctis realized it was something more. 

It had taken him countless anxiety riddled hours to accept that who he thought he was, was in fact a lie, and even more hours to accept that it was okay. Coming out to his father was the second hardest thing he had ever done. The outcome had been him and his father connecting on a new level, and their bond strengthened. It had taken him far too long to figure out who he was, and what he wanted. 

With one newscast, all of Noctis’ hard work was torn up and thrown away. Noctis was only at the tender age of 20 and he felt he had already gone through more than what normal young adults did. Add on the whole “Chosen King to banish darkness” deal- which he has no idea what that entails- and he’s left in a world of uncertainty. 

Suddenly feeling very tired, the memories of his own past haunting him, the prince sat down on the steps and hung his head. What was he going to do? He had struggled so much with his identity, all throughout high school, and it was only until recently, Noctis had been able to come out and confess his true self to Prompto. Now, he had to backtrack, try to put that all away and go back to being what he wasn’t. The more he thought about it, the more hollow he felt. His anger had fizzled away when he opened the doors, and he was left with nothing but a gaping hole, an all too familiar feeling at this point. He hated it.

“Citizen, you have to move,” A rough voice spoke over head. Noctis didn’t respond, lost as he was in his own thoughts. The man touched his shoulder and Noctis shrugged it off. He didn’t want to deal with anyone right now, much less some random tough guy. “This isn’t a park bench.”

“No shit,” Noctis grumbled. 

“So take your brooding somewhere else,” the man replied a little more tersely, evidently not appreciating Noctis’ tone. “The Citadel is closed to the public.”

The prince said nothing, focusing intently on the ground as he willed the other man to just leave him alone. He was feeling the intense desire to retreat into himself again, away from the problems of the outside world, and he was fighting it, knowing from experience how easy it was to get lost in its toxic embrace. 

An impatient huff and a tap if the foot betrayed the other man’s irritation. “Either you move willingly, or I move you.”

“Fuck off,” Noctis replied.

A rough hand grabbed the collar of Noctis’ jacket and pulled him to his feet. “Listen here, you twink, my job is to keep the Citadel safe and that means removing suspicious people like you from the premises.”

The despair eating away at his chest disappeared like a puff of smoke, and a new, more familiar emotion crept back in. Noctis shoved the man away, the anger stirring in his chest again. Desperate, he coaxed the feeling out, and fanned the flames, glad to be feeling _something_ productive. If he was rational, he would’ve revealed his identity as the Prince of Lucis at the start. After all, not everyone knew what the prince looked like - especially the immigrants that make up the core of the Kingsglaive- so this Glaive was understandably just doing his job, but Noctis wasn’t rational. And he really shouldn’t have pushed the Glaive away. 

The Glaive stood only a few inches taller than Noctis himself, but there was something in the way he carried himself that made him seem taller, more menacing, like Gladio. Noctis didn’t know how the ranking system in the Kingsglaive worked but judging on how this Glaive donned a more elaborate uniform, it implied that he was higher ranked than just a grunt. Noctis didn’t care. The Glaive had gotten up in his space and now he was properly _mad_. “Since when does the Glaive hire reject metal band wannabes?”

The other man snorted, his body tense and ready for action. “You’re one to talk.”

Noctis mirrored the Glaive’s pose, feeling a smirk tug on his lips. “You think you can handle this?” The crown prince wasn’t much of a fighter, but the thought of having the chance to let loose on someone, to let out all the repressed feelings stuck inside him, was way too tempting. He needed to feel _something_ other than this dark nothingness that threatened to swallow him whole. Anger was an emotion he knew how to channel and knew how to deal with. 

Blue sparks conjured up the Glaive’s weapon and Noctis was ready. He started to call upon his power, ready to reach into the Armiger, ready to teach this punk just what’s what when-

“Noct!”

Noctis tensed, immediately releasing his hold on the Crystal’s power, his smirk vanishing to be replaced with a grimace. He stood fully, the idea of a fight vanishing from his brain as the Glaive in front of him looked on with confusion. Turning around, Noctis watched his lifelong friend and advisor run up the steps to where he stood, Ignis’ perfectly groomed persona slightly off kilter. “There you are. Where have you been?”

Noctis winced at the motherly tone his friend was using. “Here. Not a big deal.”

Ignis frowned, looking from Noctis to the Glaive who watched, uncertain. “Prompto called. He sounded concerned.” 

_Prompto._ Whatever fire was coursing through his veins, sapped away.

Ever perceptive, Ignis placed a comforting hand on Noctis’ shoulder. The prince averted his gaze, trying not to focus on Ignis. He was too perceptive, yet somehow, Noctis had been able to keep his relationship with Prompto a secret from Ignis. “We’ll talk later,” his friend whispered, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze before dropping his hand again. Turning his attention to the other man on the steps, Ignis nodded his head. “I apologize for the crown prince’s attitude, Glaive, but I thank you for keeping him here. You may return to your post.”

The confusion on the Glaive’s face morphed into stark realization as he looked at Noctis again. He dismissed his kukris with his borrowed magic and stood tall before bowing at the hips. “At once, sir.” Then he awkwardly bowed at Noctis. “Your Majesty.” Turning on his heels rather stiffly, the Glaive wandered back up the stairs to his post, Noctis watching him leave with a frown. 

“Come on Noct. I should see you home.”

“...Yeah.” As quick as it had appeared, the anger sizzled out, replaced by the hollow feeling again. Noctis sighed, the thrill of the fight gone and the realization that he still had to talk to Prompto about his engagement to Lunafreya and what that meant for the two of them seeping its way back in. Silently, he followed Ignis to the car he had carefully parked at the entrance, dropping gracelessly into the leather seat once Ignis had opened the door for him. He felt the Glaive’s eyes on him, even as they drove away, and as Noctis looked out the window, he saw the man standing ever vigilant by the ornate doors. 

\-----

The car ride was mostly silent. Ignis had politely asked how Regis was doing, and Noctis gave some noncommittal noise as an answer. He was half expecting Ignis to lecture him about starting fires unnecessarily, but Ignis remained thankfully silent on that part, which Noctis thanked. 

When they pulled up to Noctis’ apartment complex, Ignis killed the engine and shifted in his seat to face Noct. “I heard about the engagement. I’m sure you have mixed feelings about the whole affair.”

Noctis shrugged, fingers tracing along the door handle as he looked out the window, refusing to meet Ignis’ gaze. He debated pulling on the handle and escaping out the door, using his exhaustion as an excuse to get out of the situation, but a part of him wanted to talk to Ignis too. It came back to how does he explain to his lifelong friend that the man he thought Noctis was, didn’t exist? That this political engagement was a farce and it was tearing Noctis up inside that he had to go back to pretending to be someone he wasn’t for the rest of his life, that-

Noctis bit his lip, trying to calm his spiraling thoughts. Realistically, he knew Ignis wouldn’t care one way or another whom Noctis loved, but he still felt a cold chill work its way through his veins whenever he thought about uttering the words out loud. If he could admit to Ignis the truth of himself, maybe Ignis would find some loophole for Noctis, a way for him to worm out of this ridiculous engagement.

“Lunafreya will make a lovely wife, and a wonderful Queen.” 

Noctis’ thoughts halted and his hand stilled on the handle as he felt his heart sink. Of course Ignis would react the same as his father. Why would he expect any different? After all, Ignis was a conduit of his father’s will, and while they both may desire Noctis to be happy, the people come first. “...Yeah.” Pulling on the handle, Noctis exited the vehicle quickly, shutting the car door before Ignis could pry further. He didn’t want to face Prompto, but neither did he want to sit in the car and have Ignis talk to him about his role as future king. 

He made it as far as inside the first set of doors before he realized he forgot his keys in the apartment earlier that morning. Aware that Ignis might still be watching, the prince feigned keying in the code to his apartment, and mouthed some gibberish, hoping it was convincing enough for the other man to be satisfied that the prince was safely home. Eventually, he heard the roar of the engine coming to life again, and watched out of the corner of his eye as Ignis pulled out of the drop off area. Noctis breathed out a sigh of relief, his eyes drooping shut as he rested his head against the wall. 

_What a fucking nightmare of a day._

Not sure what to do, Noctis opened the door to go back outside. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If he had any idea what he wanted to say to Prompto, he could just dial up his partner and have a straightforward conversation with the freckled boy. But it wasn’t that easy. Once Noctis explained the situation to Prompto, he felt that would be the last straw, that Prompto would give up on him and exit out of life completely. And Noctis didn’t think he had it in him to survive that.

_Selfish._

It wasn’t like Noctis could _lie_ about the engagement either though. It was plastered all over the news, and the entire city would be buzzing about the announcement too. Everywhere Noctis went, people would know he was committed to someone else, a woman no less, and it would be a constant reminder for Prompto. Frustrated with the situation, he ran both his hands through his hair, clasping them together at the back of his skull, and leaned his head back to stare up at the sky. He breathed out heavily through his nose, his eyes scanning the bright blue sky as if he could find the answer in its endless depths. 

Was he overthinking this? Dropping both his hands, Noctis stood up straight and turned to look up at the towering structure that housed his small haven. Maybe he could tell Prompto exactly what was happening and maybe he wouldn’t uproot himself out of Noctis’ life. Maybe he would want to stay and maybe, just maybe, he’d want to fight for their future too. 

The curtain moved and Noctis panicked. _But what if he didn’t._ Conjuring his engine blade, the prince warped as far as he could and took off running, not wanting to find out.

\-----

 

Turning off his brain was scarily easy as he let his feet guide him wherever he subconsciously knew he’d be safe. Realistically, he knew where that was. Though the years may have aged his body, his mind still regressed to his childhood state of wanting reassurance from his dad, so he found himself at the steps of the Citadel, the sun starting its slow descent below the horizon. By car, the Citadel is at best a ten minute drive. Running, it felt like it took hours. 

Breathless, Noctis stood back at the bottom of the steps, looking up at the ever present omen that the Citadel represented, the blue stream of magic that kept that wall erected, dark and menacing. Slowly, Noctis started climbing the stairs, each step feeling heavier than the last. He knew he wanted to talk to his dad, but he also knew it was pointless. Nothing would have changed from this morning, so they would just end up talking about the futility of Noctis’ future and it would only widen the hole in Noct’s chest. Regis wasn’t to blame for Noctis’ situation. At all. He had been a supportive father, or at least as much as he could be given the circumstances.

At the halfway point, Noctis paused. His feet felt like cement blocks. What was he even doing here? There was nothing else for them to talk about. All they could do was argue at this point, but that thought left an acrid taste in Noctis’ mouth. When it comes to his people, Regis would do whatever it took to make them happy. And, when it came down to it, so would Noctis. But he also couldn’t live a lie. 

“You know, you’re a lot shorter than I expected.”

Noctis flicked his gaze from the beam of the Crystal to the Glaive from earlier. The man stood beside the prince, his stance relaxed if a bit cocky, all too much like Gladio. Secretly, Noctis wondered if he’s distantly related to his Shield. “I get that a lot.”

The man clasped his hands behind his back, turning his head to meet Noctis’ gaze. “Something on your mind?”

The Glaive’s casual comment took the prince by surprise. People would normally be scrambling for an apology based on what happened earlier that day, but here this guy was, not only staring Noctis in the eye, but asking after his well being. “What makes you think there is?” Nevertheless, Noctis’ walls are up, and he’s cautious.

The Glaive raised a brow. “Aside from the fact you strolled back here without your advisor on foot? How about you picking a fight you would’ve clearly lost.”

Noctis huffed a laugh, turning to fully face the man and crossed his arms. “You think you could best me?”

“Without a doubt.” He replied without a hesitation. 

“You would’ve willingly fought one of the royals you’re sworn to protect?

The man shrugged. “Crown prince or not, with your attitude, I’d be happy to kick your ass any day of the week,” he smirked and Noctis found himself returning it, the tension that had been coiling up in his body all day, loosening slightly. 

“That’s reassuring…” Noctis trailed off, waiting for the other to fill in the gap. The man, unclasped one hand and extended it.

“Nyx Ulric,” he commented and the prince took his hand, giving it a firm shake. 

“Pleasure”

“I’m sure it is for you,” Nyx replied, returning to his previous stance.

Noctis laughed, his attention drifting back up to the beam of light. Nyx followed his gaze, standing at attention beside him. Sure he dressed the part of a Glaive, but he treated Noctis like a human, not just a title, which made Noctis feel at ease. Just like how Prompto treated him.

Unrestrained, Noctis sighed heavily, and Nyx’s gaze flittered over to his face, before it went back to the beam. “Remarkable isn’t it?”

 

“Sure,” Noctis replied, venom dripping from his tone. Nyx gave him a side eye and Noctis lowered his gaze slightly. “Have you ever..” he cut himself off, biting his lip. Nyx didn’t say anything, choosing to watch silently as the prince exhaled sharply, forging forward before he could change his mind. “I dunno, do you ever feel like people don’t know the real you?”

A slight dust of red creeped over his face and the prince ducked his head to hide his face. This was stupid.

Nyx’s lips turned up slightly. “Actually yeah. I’ve got a bit of a reputation in the Glaive because of it. I take it you’ve never heard of me though have you?”

Surprised by his response, Noctis turned his head enough to look at the other man. Nyx huffed and shook his head. “For the best really. Anyways, I’m known as the ‘hero’ there. Not really a name I chose for myself, it just happened.”

“How?”

Nyx shrugged one shoulder. “Just did. When you’re in this line of work, risking your life is a given. Apparently, not everyone thinks it includes risking your life to save others in danger in the moment. People fight for themselves mostly, and those of us who choose to fight to protect others are an anomaly.”

“So you’re a hero just because you do your job?”

“You could say that. I don’t feel like much of one honestly, but it’s what people need me to be.”

Noctis went quiet, not sure what to say. Nyx on the other hand, felt it necessary to impart wisdom.

“Your father… he’s an incredible man,” Nyx said slowly, arms braced behind his back. “He saved me y’know? I grew up in Galahd, opened a bar there with my best friend. We’d been under Nif rule for as long as I could remember but they never did anything too extreme. They left us alone, and for the most part, we left them alone. Until one day, out of the blue, the Nifs decided they needed to demonstrate their might. What was more perfect than the genocide of a nation?” Nyx sighed and shook his head. “Eighteen years we lived peacefully under the thumb of Niflheim, and that day set them off.

“I remember the day he came. I was at the limit of what I could do to fend off the Nifs, and my prayers to the Six had gone unanswered. An Iron Giant appeared right in front of me as I was escorting my sister back to the camp we created and it-” Nyx choked, stopping to clear his throat. “I couldn’t save her. I would’ve been dead too had His Majesty not stepped in. I don’t know how, or when he appeared, but I remember seeing sparks of brilliant blue and a flash of steel. Not long after, I passed out and came to, back here in Insomnia. His Majesty asked me to be a part of the Kingsglaive and I couldn’t say no.

“I was so moved by him, seeing him down with the troops and working to save who he could that I wanted to repay him somehow. Show that he didn’t waste his efforts on a nobody y’know? The people of Insomnia weren’t too pleased, still aren’t really, by the King bringing in ‘immigrants’ or ‘filthy beggars’, but King Regis did it anyways.” 

Silence fell over the two as Noctis pondered what Nyx said. 

“...Why are you telling me this?” Noctis whispered, fiddling with his hands. Dropping his arms, Nyx chose instead to cross them over his chest. 

“Whatever it is you’re struggling with, if you’re anything like your old man, you’ll choose what’s right for the people, regardless of how favourable it may look.”

“You’re choosing to be this ‘hero’ though.”

“I don’t care what people think of me. I do what I feel is right and say ‘fuck it’ to the others who hate me for it. But, I get a feeling you do care what people think of you.”

“I don’t.”

 

Nyx huffed. “If you didn’t you wouldn’t be here, avoiding your advisor again.”

_Fair point._ At a loss for words, Noctis exhaled sharply. Thinking critically on himself was hard work and his brain was sludging through his previous anxious thoughts. Talking with Nyx was actually, surprisingly helpful. He didn’t know what he was expecting when he ran away from the apartment this morning but it wasn’t this. Not that he was feeling ready to go back there though. Noctis still felt he had a lot to work through, he just felt a little less panicked about the ordeal. 

“Do you need me to call Mr.Scientia?”

Noctis shook his head. “Nah. Specs would chew me out for making Prompto worry more. Best I crash in the old man’s house.”

“Who’s Prompto?”

“No one.” Red dusted his cheeks again, and Noctis looked away, scratching the back of his head nervously. _Idiot. You could’ve just said roommate, now you just look suspicious._

Nyx didn’t comment though, clapping his hand on the prince’s back, eliciting a jump from the smaller male. “I can offer you a couch and a beer. C’mon. It’s getting cold out and I stayed late to make sure your stupid ass wouldn’t end up back here.”

Noctis shot him a look. “How’d you know I’d be back?”

“I didn’t, but I kinda hoped you would be so I could show you a thing or two.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nyx is fun to write but also hard to write. He had a lot of the same tropes as Gladio but he is his own separate character and after being in Gladnis hell for a month its hard to switch my brain. Yipes. 
> 
> Come bother me on twitter or instagram as @kappakay :3: I promise I won't bite, I'll just tweet really dumb puns.

**Author's Note:**

> Regis makes me cry :')


End file.
